Art, flowers, Mosaics, relationships

Under Construction

Pink by Canela Ajena

Coming up with ideas for a mosaic project is not a problem. I have hundreds of them keeping me awake at night. My dilemma lies instead in something more irritating. I can’t let go. I cannot finish my projects, not easily anyways.

For tips, I’ve begun watching YouTube videos again, scrolling through mosaic Instagram photos, reading current mosaic blogs, joining mosaic forums and reading books, but in the end I am frustrated with the options. There are so many “how to” create and start mosaic resources to turn to, but so few instructions on how to finish them because it isn’t as simple as just applying grout. Different color grouts can make a huge difference in the way a mosaic looks. Not using grout or using resin can also make it look different. What if I want my mosaic to be used outside? Should I use different material? What is the right weather material?

The practice of learning through trial and error is a wonderful process, but not when I have applied so much time and effort into a project already. An error could ruin a project. I know this because I have ruined a couple of my favorite ones trying this method.

This fear of failure is so disruptive for me. It takes me so long to figure out how I want to finish a project. What if I grout it the wrong color? What if I shouldn’t have grouted it at all? What if I use resin instead? What if I ruin the project applying the resin incorrectly? What if I used the wrong material for an outdoor mosaic? What if….. I F it up?

I hate this about myself. It isn’t just with art either. This inability to finish takes over my mind and rolls over into my home, my relationships, my everything. It isn’t that I don’t want to or cant finish the job. It’s is how much I question myself about how I will finish the job. It is such a weight on my shoulders and I can’t ever get rid of it.

I have no other choice, but to start a new project in order to take my mind off the other one. This helps a bit but more often than not I am left with a bunch of unfinished projects that haunt me, until they are done. Am I crazy? I am letting inanimate objects haunt me!

Under Construction by Canela Ajena

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